It was in the middle of August twenty two that i accepted my faith that i'll be away from the city that shaped me the way i am, alas, is part of me (always will be). The glamorous Jakarta, and thousand chapters of story behind it, which mine is also included. 

To be frankly speaking and totally honest, i was not unfamiliar with loneliness, either way it is something i have been embracing all of my life. So to be totally alone in an unfamiliar city with no one to depends on, i thought it was an easy peasy thing. Afterall, i have this 'perantau' blood in me. I was born for this! To be away and stranded, to conquer and kept glory in me. I believed in myself until then, 

Until i realized this is not my safe place anymore. This city, Surabaya, which also hold its glamour similar ways Jakarta did, is not Jakarta, is not my place. This is not a fortress i have been growing up in, not a place i could raise my sword for fun anymore, but still i kept that sword anyway, now to be safe and sound. 

Although i met a lot of friends--too many of them, in fact-- i still feel alone, much of the time. I did not cry an inch, or even starved myself. My life going on as usual, i went to orientation, went to class, met a lot of nice, lovely (and not to mention, smart) people along the way, then i went back 'home' (or was it home, really?), got a not-so-really good sleep. But somewhere in me, whether it is in my chest or somewhere else hollow in my body, i felt empty... 

Like i left something of me in Jakarta, like i didnt stufffed my carrier enough of my precious stuff back in Jakarta. Everything i brought here doesnt feel enough, it didnt fill the emptiness in that hollow area in me. And while it is hollow, it is heavy as hell. So heavy that sometimes i felt like i didnt wanted to get up in bed unless its for my train back to Jakarta. 

Maybe thats just me being sucks in adapting, tho. 

Surabaya was not that bad, though i got a hard time being empty, i was fine most of the time (i could be fine with emptiness too, btw!) Surabaya did not have busses i could take somewhere impromptu like i did back in Jakarta, but it still, nevertheless, a very big city. That apparently mimics its sister to live within insomnia-- its never sleep.

It was different, but i still see my favourite citylights everyday. The food here is also very nice, (and cheap!). Though weather is sooo hot, up to thirty degrees and more is a norm here. I still struggling with the language but i am slowly getting a grip of it. Understanding my friends little by little, words by words. 

Slowly, i am making memories under the five sun of Surabaya. Slowly, i left marks of my journey within the thirty degrees casualty. 

And i still have a long time to go, a lot of kilometers of journey. A lot of people to met, to share experience with. 

Until then, please stick with me.

Best regards, clarissa x