As my friend, Alif quoted, "Love is a wonderful thing," and indeed, it is. 

Here's a thing; I have some sort of bad luck or––I don't know, probably a curse on my romantic life. I never had that typical teenage love life and went straight to the confusing phase of young adult romantic life which let me be honest, is something I will never master. I suck at it and I probably will always be in the upcoming years. I guess I already come to terms with that, though, I sometimes find myself staring at myself in the mirror and introspecting every inch of me. The thoughts of me being a 'romantic' rejects linger in the back of my mind no matter how I come to terms with that. Lingers, not hurting me anymore. 

I envied my friends and their partners for days, weeks, and months. I am trapped in the "only ifs" day by day and the only thing to get out is to 1) get a boyfriend or 2) write fiction out of it. Now that is something you need to pity me more than for the fact that my romantic life sucked. I have practically no other option than number two so I did––at least I gained a skill out of this unluckiness, tho.

The more I grow up, the more I craved this typical way of loving, romantic and poetic. 

However, lately, although I've been brokenhearted for yet another unsuccessful try at the romantic and poetic way of loving, I never feel this fulfilled before. I am brokenhearted but I feel full. I am brokenhearted but I feel embraced. Brokenheart never felt this much warm and breezy before. It is comfortable, like a rug in my therapist's kids' room where I took my MMPI test. As if warm hug making sure its presence was known to the heartbroken me. I am heartbroken, but in the name of my god, I feel safe, I am safe. 

I was muddled for a little while till I realized what was given to me; friends. These past months I felt like I had been really 'guarded'. I found the new environments that I become cherishing so much, that strangely enough water me in their own way; I am blooming and growing like never before. It is as comforting as a pat on the head and an "I am so proud of you," statement, or the warm Roti Bakar my mom usually served back in home. These kinds of embracement that keep me going and growing, that put a tender pillow underneath to land into, make everything less scarier for me, make life less scarier for me. I took a chance of braveness under their roof of safety, once again I am safe. 

I always love this one statement from twitter user visyuhan, "I hope you find love that is kind to you." 

Maybe this is the love that is kind to me, this platonic and poetic way of loving. Maybe all of my friends are that one click of a puzzle, one piece out of a ten-piece fake nail, one piece of a pin out of a pack, or any small thing that completes the box, completes my box. Eventually, this is the kind of love that I need to give back to, a love that is kind to them. 

Still, I don't believe in the concept of forever, and as well as bad things did, all of these too shall pass. My friends will eventually walk in the path without me and so am I, and that's okay! I live by the present and I'd love to just cherish everything at the moment, so everything would be happy memories in the end, when it reaches the shall pass moment. 

I am grateful and forever will be. 

With lots of love, 

Klaire, xx,